on the streets

I was downtown to buy the device to be able to have wireless internet. Since I arrived I am disconnected and I feel kind of detached, almost isolated in this new reality. I need to start working and for that I need to be online.

So this morning I woke up and went out by car. It was humid and foggy. When I went down the hill I couldn’t even see the river. I parked the car in my old neighborhood, I got my usual spot (where there’s no need to pay) and I could see the windows of my old house, the one I lived in before I left. The curtains have flowers now. I walked down the street and everything seemed very familiar. But it was not a particular happy feeling, just a dry memory. It’s interesting how there are so many little memories that were lost for so long and then appear, so vivid. That is happening to me a lot, not just on the streets but when I open a box and find some object that remind me a story, a relationship with someone, pasted moments… But this time I feel very distant of all that. I see the city and people walking in it in a different way. I can’t really identify myself here. And now that feeling is much more clear than before. Even if there I felt like a foreigner almost of the time, I know now that I do prefer that feeling than to be a stranger in my own town. I was having these kind of thoughts while I was walking and looking at people on the streets

It seems to me they are rude and disrespectful. I hate the way men look at women on the streets. I really get mad! I have forgotten about that too. It’s also amazing how many older people I see on the streets, it’s like there’s no youth in here, that’s kind of frightening, how is it possible to look at the future without young people? That feels sad, as the time has stopped here. And people walk so slowly and they look so alienated and sad. Their bodies are rigid, self-contained, self-repressed… I spend all day trying to connect me to the internet and it didn’t work. An entire day and I couldn’t had the internet hooked up, it is so frustrating…