en blanco

acaso en blanco es casi como entre medio?
con puntos suspensivos, rayas entrecortadas, con la palabra en la boca, todo torcido,
erijido en el pensamiento? arquitectura movil que cambia subitamente: entreteniendo o estremeciendo la mente en todo cuerpo y alma -
ay caramba!

puro sentimeinto [y no te miento]

and so i post my first entry in this blog.
i want to thank claudia for her visit and stay home this past weekend. it was great to have you here right before your huge transition and big in between ... a really huge reminder = con tan solo tu presencia... you about to fly back home



but... where is home?

[gasps anxiety more questions tangles in da gut ????? unresolved stuff...this is another entry ...]

you about to fly back home

lisbon, decided to spend a few days in NY right before you took off. we received you en nuestra casa - nueva york.



yes, i now have a home - it feels like. i have finally parked my smiling/barking pelvis here in flushing, queens at least for a week or two. then back to philadelphia for my last and final semester, which means i will finally move and land in NY after may 2007!


it feels SOOOOOO good to do nothing NOW. to slow down. to be in one place at least for a little while ... for it will all begin again very soon, but this time for a last semester - which means a bigger transition > in between is around the corner ... post grad school = what? life!?!?!?!?! where? how? why? what? how much? why? with? ...


so my in between-ness is lost amongst languages and virtual spaces - more than just two...
as well as very real places spaces realities.

belive me it is quite messy flighty chaotic exotic intoxicatingly anarchic
instantaneoulsy gratifying [ i would not have it any other way!]
a structured improv that has no beginning middle or end >>>> the only end i can think of is death,
and i am not quite ready for 'it' ...

so very work in progress here
all about evolution in motion with passion action and devotion.


for me it is all about trusting the not knowing > trusting the mysterious.
this is why i am an improviser. this is my profession.

this is why i practice / teach yoga.

these choices continually remind me how to see-ing how i/me is part of a way way bigger all ...
[i get lost often & w/ pleasure = all these planes to navigate / negotiate ... i call it inhabiting the forgotten space ...]


yes i am definitely a non linear thinker or person
i am ok w/o strucuture.

often i go in circles or spirals of emotion
round and round [when not beating around the bush ... ] i move slowly but surely

i am ok w/ getting lost and losing things

non attachment!

the unbearable lightness of being!



constant balancing and rearranging act

ah the pics that got erased remind me of the impermanence of everything
or how even what we think might not be threatened or tampered w/ so easily does not mean any thing is secure or stable. all but an illusion.


memory how it plays tricks constantly!

la mente
de mente
a mente ...


to be continued ...

noemi
actual mente en nueva york
proxima semana or so en filadelfia

siempre con el corazon en puerto rico.

IN BETWEEN??? what does that mean?

What does it mean to be in between? In between what? 2 lines? 2 places? 2 homes? 2 languages? language and silence? nature and culture? is it just 2 different things?

From how many things are we in between? how many things are between us? how big is our world? I mean, our personal world, but also the universe... micro and macro tend to look the same to me. Stars and molecules, all the same. Part of the same flux. I can't isolate a wave from the next one, not from the previous one either... they are all part of the same movement.

If I can not isolate a wave, can I isolate this 'In between feeling' from all the rest around me? The physical world, the sun, the moon, the wind, my life, my experience, my memories, here and there, everywhere, my time, the linear time and my inner time...

where am I?... How can I describe this strange feeling of being out of the map... in between?

I know you understand it, because you feel it too. But I'd like to be able to write down a definition, to put that emotional state in words, even then I know words won't be accurate, they won't sound right. And why do I need a definition anyway?...

My brain wants answers. A life padron commands me and tells me to slow down. Words, answers, stability... is that what I really need? I already know I won't get it anyway. Everything is always changing and yet... this desire to understand and give sense to all these things that cross my mind, my way, my life, my space... as you can see, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.

In one month I will be back to my home country and the feeling of uncertainty grows. At the same time there's also something reasuring about going back. I start to think about the things, persons, places I like there and that feels confortable.

what about you girls? send me words,
how is it for you to be In between?

claudia

encontros virtuais

dear claudia,
thanks a lot for your invitation! i love to participate and hope i can get familiar with the 'blogging'- it is a new subject to me, but which i am keen to learn more about . though i have a question ;who is reading the blogspot, just the people you invite or anyone from the entire web? i think that makes a difference- at least to me. how are you- i was always wondering if you'd still be living in philadelphia or back in lisbon and what you are doing? just shortly; i finished an MA in choreography at the laban centre, here in london. throughout that year i involved a work that combined live performance and video projection- that was followed by a masterclass for 'dance on screen' . we, six participants, produced 2 minute films which were screened at the place, in the beginning of the festival .
i haven't done a lot of shiatsu; i had difficulties with the nerves of my hands- and then how many things can you do all at once??? so after this extremly intensive year i am now wondering what comes next; curiosity mixed with a certain tireness of restarting again- third time that i have moved and live now in a different country - wondering about how to construct something valuable in this quickly changing, overwhelming stimulating world, and long term questions of where i belong to.. i am curious about this project IN BETWEEN and you reached me in a time where these questions related to the project are actual and relevant to me. hope to hear from you and all the rest of the group- so will i try to post' a blog' soon!
muitos, muitos beijinhos claudia & e até muito breve nos encontros virtuais. jiska

Where did October and Claudia go?

What happened to October?
I think last time I saw you was in Octorber, in the tech center, you were trying to make a doctor's appointment. Then, you kind of disappeared! I never see you anymore.
And now, it's already past mid-November... I don't know what happened to October.
My memories about October are all so ambiguous and like stranger to me every year,
I can't remember anything valid, I don't know why.

Where is Claudia?

I've been working on the animation project (based on Grimm Brothers' fairly tale "The Sausage, the Bird, and the Mouse") 24-7, all the time. Making animation takes forever.
I only slept for 2 hours today... finally finished shooting. So tired.
I wanna go home and sleep immediately! We are getting our films developed tomorrow and digital transfer on Wed! Can't wait to see the footage!

My mother is coming to visit me from Japan, she's arriving tomorrow.
She doesn't speak English and she does not travel by herself so much, so it'll be a lot of work to have her here for 9 days (she didn't even know how to buy an airline ticket!).
It's so strange now that a story of my recent animation project is more real to me than my mother coming to Philadelphia all the way from Japan.

The mouse chopping vegetables, the bird walking in a forest, the Sausage cooking soup....

My consciousness and unconsciousness begin to fully move to Philadelphia from Tokyo, so I dream less about Japan and my friends from Japan. It surprises me when I wake up and realize I saw my family or Japanese friends in my dreams.
I'm too busy with my fantasy world that I have no time to write email to stay in touch with my people in Japan...

I always wish I can spontaneously exist in different places at the same time.
Don't you sometime feel that way, girls?

Claudia, did you decide or find a way to stay in Philadelphia?
I really want to stay...

Naoko
p.s My birthday is on this coming Saturday, I'll be 24 years old.

from Tibet

Dear Claudia,

Hello my beautiful sister. Just came back from Taiji training and thenTibet 5 days ago. it was very hard coming back this time for Tibet is pure magic

Getting your mail was making me feel... home for home is feeling there are some people you just belong with and I thank you for beeing there and so alive.

I miss you, there is so much I want to tell you about. I´ll be very very happy to take part in this project, thanks for inviting me

I can not wait to meet other global sisters and make some Art with the joy and the pain of beeing global and talking about these important issues that are identity, home, and what travelling is really about...In Between is where I am

I send you lots of lots of love and a himalayan hug and some pics from Tibet

your Gabriela

dear friends

dear friends,

this e-letter is to invite you to participate in the project IN BETWEEN - a collective blog art piece. Even if we are all different, living different lives in different countries, we have this feeling of displacement in common. You don't know each other, but I have a friendship with each one of you. Many times I think about you, but there is a physical distance between us. When we are living in the same town, well, there's always things going on, life nowadays is fast... Some of you are mothers, there's work, husbands, boyfriends... and our arts that we all try to pursuit, to improve, to struggle to make our best.

Noemi, we got this idea together: to make a blog to write about the IN BETWEEN of our lives, in a time where we need to make important decisions in our lives. The idea just grew up and I like it a lot. You, that are doing a dance and video piece called 'In transit'. We met recently but we are already friends. I think the feeling of displacement we both feel got us together, also a sense of critic, barking, creating. I am glad we met. We always runned into each other at tech center, without really talking, changing numbers and email addresses every time, without really writing or call... We share pertinent thoughts, we think a lot about our mobile world, we feel cultural contradictions in our bodies. Having yoga with you in a skyscraper in the middle of downtown is an amazing experience, with you I am learning how to stop, slow down. Sometimes we talk in Spanish, not often though, we are already thinking in English... You are from Puerto Rico and you live in transit between Philadelphia and New York, working here, having your shows and your husband there, traveling between 2 Chinatowns, dancing in that line in between...

Jiska, I think you are in London now. When we met in Portugal you were an actress and dancer in my film, then you were my shiatsu masseuse, when I was close to a breakdown, then we became friends. Because of you I decided to study massage as well. You were about to leave to Berlin and you told me you would work there as a masseuse for awhile. I thought that was so wonderful, to need just your hands and body as tools of work, being so free to travel...

Gabriela, I don't know where you are now, are you back from China? maybe you are in Brazil... but I know your root now is Lisbon because of your son and I also know how displaced you feel when you are in Portugal, you're home. You lived most of your life abroad, France, Germany and lately you found your 'home' in your trips to Asia where you go practice tai chi with your master every year. I miss having tai chi classes in the park with you. Last time we met you told me about the idea of staying a few months in Sikkim and write a book. It sounds like a plan. You invited me to go with you and I haven't forgot it...

Celine, we always met between Lisbon and the ocean. I won't forget that week in your place when you let me stay to write my script. It was wonderful and then I got sick... it was so windy at the beach... Last time we talked you were back from Greece where you bought a house and you were coming back from Switzerland as well, your country, where you went to film your video project with your grand-mothers. I hope you are working on that editing, I want to see it. Remember that last day of the workshop, in the park? Yes, you were first my student, then my friend. I always found interesting how you were between 3 languages, the french, your own, english, the language of your husband and portuguese the language of the country you live in, it was nice to see how you shift between them.

Naoko, my Japanese friend in America! You are the youngest of this group of women. I know you are trying to stay longer. You came to America very young, 17, right? Then you were back and forward to Tokyo, you lived some time in Toronto... You too, you have a global soul. Have you found a way to get a visa? any luck with work? We are living in the same city and even though... we should meet more often. You have to show me your new animations.


You are my first 5 guests for this blog. If you like the idea and want to do this, write me an email. I have to send you the passwords so you can have access and post IN BETWEEN. If you have other friends that you think might be interested, let me know. Remember that this is a work in progress and it is supposed to last for 1 year. It would be great if we could get in touch every week or every two weeks...

best,
claudia

IN BETWEEN

IN BETWEEN is a collective writing and sharing experience using a blog. I invited about 10 friends, all women displaced in different parts of the world, with different experiences of living abroad. We are friends but we live in different countries, displaced around the world... this blog will be our place. A place IN BETWEEN, for dialogue, to change ideas, share experiences, explore new things... it can be a journal, a change of letters, images, words, feelings, daily life events... Even if we are in between, we need to feel connected.